The Opinionated Baker

Not all of us are made of sugar and spice


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As school draws to a close, more friends have emerged from the woodwork and I ran into a number of them in the past week. Conversations always go along the lines of… hey, you’re graduating? oh have you found a job yet? oh you’re going overseas to study, why? etc…

When I explain to them the key motivation for my life changing decision… the response is inevitably one of the two: Wow, you’re insane. OR Wow, you’re so brave.

You know what? I don’t feel brave. I don’t feel smart or able or courageous or anything. I am completely and utterly terrified. I am so scared that I have trouble sleeping at night and my dreams are filled with worst case scenarios and reminders of everything that I am giving up in this pursuit for happiness.

Courage doesn’t mean the absence of fear. It means standing firm in the face of complete and utter terror.

Don’t tell me how crazy I am about my decision and how much I stand to lose if things don’t work out the way I plan. I know. I know better than any of you. I am not a naive little red riding hood, frolicking merrily in the woods. I am well aware of the emotional and physical risk that I am placing myself in. How could I not?

But I really do want this to work out and I refuse to live my life regretting what could have been if I’d not been such a wuss and succumbed to my fears. And I will have faith and believe that somehow, we will be able to overcome these odds.


Written by Musingsat

April 15, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Posted in Musings

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